Failing

Professionals in the business say don’t be afraid of failing.

I can’t seem to find a way to get comfortable with that notion.   I know that approach makes us stronger, but when you are fighting your way through the pain those words don’t feel reassuring. Maybe they would bring a sense of calm if I knew the next three or four steps ahead of me.   The problem is I don’t know where some of the first steps are when I am down and trying to rebuild.

I can see how my editing experience is helping and hurting me.   It helps me sometimes as I anticipate my photo work – I have a general sense of what I need to accomplish with a developing project.  On the other hand, I am self-editing myself ahead of time or during a shoot.   This is causing me to shut down too early in those moments of exploration; I become too frustrated too quickly when the moments and images aren’t coming together.   I am placing that very “high bar” of expectation on myself.

The rhythm of my shooting has become too familiar and formulaic.   I am searching for a way to breaking through these walls.  I want to find a new way of seeing.  I am trying to find new ways of getting my vision on to the screen, composed with what I feel and with what I want to communicate.

For years I have been reviewing photography that is special and compelling.  I am now hoping I can channel that inspiration into my education.   I don’t know how to bridge the two sometimes.

I have been taught through many years of experience to display myself as patient and self-assured – to avoid excuses and don’t complain.   It seems it takes so long to build a reputation and so quickly for others to make wrong judgments.   As this point in my career, I no longer want to worry about this.  I only want to do good work – working with a supportive, creative team that striving to do the same.

I now have the opportunity to surround myself with supportive professionals and I only want to keep those who want the best for me in my life.

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