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Growing Pains

September 28, 2009

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I have decided to try to give this blog more purpose.  I am shifting to a more personal, regular offering of my feelings as I grow over the next year.  I hope you will join me.

I am coming off a tough weekend called the Fall Workshop.  It is a weekend of story telling organized through the university I am attending now for grad school.   With all these emotions ringing loud in my head,  I have realized this academic year is going to be a significant journey.   I am aiming for re-invention and settling into my real self and my real purpose.

I feel like I failed this weekend with my photography project, but at the same time I still hear what I am suppose to accept – that all this is really just about growing.  That advice doesn’t bring a sense of calm to my confusion though. I do know I chose a difficult subject about two sisters at a senior living facility who are losing their memory.   At the same time, I know I have more talent and drive inside of me – I am just having trouble tapping into it.

Sometimes I feel alone in this process –  looking for others who understand, wondering where my mentors have gone, impatient with the process, frustration on many levels.  I have heard all the things I am supposed to follow, most of which come back to the idea of growing pains.   I have even dished out this advice over the years, but for some reason, it is harder to apply it to myself.

I have been to several of these kind of workshops and I often see team leaders gravitating towards the strongest of the bunch rather than lifting up the ones needing the most instruction.   I don’t know where I even fall in that of range of “types,” but I am frustrated with myself that I would even care.  This is about me seizing the moments and maximizing every opportunity.

The first step in my evolution to be honest with myself.

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